We thank thee, Oh God, for a prophet.

Earlier this month, President Thomas S Monson, passed away. While we all knew he wasn't doing well, and knew his time here on earth wouldn't be much longer, I still wasn't prepared for how it would affect me.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I didn't grow up in the church, I joined when I was 19 years old. I had attended several different churches prior to joining. I partook of a smorgasbord of different denominations of Christianity, some differed from others only slightly when it came to doctrine, but then there were the big differences such as baptism; to baptize babies, or to not. Some didn't even feel as though baptism was necessary. But one thing they all agreed on: the heavens were closed, there was no such thing as modern revelation, and there definitely were NO MORE PROPHETS.

I had heard about Mormons and knew they believed in prophets, and wouldn't you know, I had the opportunity to visit with some missionaries that had been teaching my cousins about the gospel. I had no intention to join the church, I only had some questions that I needed to be answered. It made sense to go to the source for the answers.

I remember when the missionaries mentioned that there was a prophet on the earth who received revelation from God, it seemed so very foreign, and honestly, almost wrong even. At the time, the prophet's name was Gordon B. Hinckley. The missionaries showed me his picture and I was surprised by how sweet and warm his countenance was. I had imagined some crazy guy wearing a robe because the idea of a prophet was crazy and I had been taught that only crazy men considered themselves prophets of God. But President Hinckley didn't fit my preconceived image of what a prophet should look like. He reminded me of a sweet, loving grandfather who sincerely cared for you, and when I heard him speak to the people of the church, and really to the world if the world was willing to listen, he was just that; a sweet, loving, old man who genuinely loved everyone and who would tear up when he spoke of his love for us, he would admonish us to make good choices so we could find real happiness.

Another preconceived idea I had about so called prophets was that they were selfish, puffed up, and only looking for self gain. I pictured someone sitting on a pedestal who wouldn't bother mingling with everyone else. That was not true about Hinkley, or any of the previous prophets. They have always been humble, yet selfless, and loving men who visited people all over the world. They visited people on every continent, rich or poor, member or not. They got to know people because they cared.

I obviously joined the church. I had considered Hinckley my prophet, since he was the only living prophet I had the opportunity to hear. It goes without saying that when he passed away on January 27, 2008, I was sad. I couldn't imagine life without him, without ever seeing his face or hearing his loving words. I couldn't imagine that Thomas S Monson would love us as much (so immature, I know). I had a hard time letting go and accepting the change and the new president of the church.

Gordon B. Hinckley

Well, I knew that I needed to gain a testimony about President Monson or I wouldn't be able to grow spiritually. I had to pray and fast to really know for sure if President Monson was the Lord's mouth piece on the earth, if he was really our new prophet. Though I already knew, I needed to know without a doubt. So I prayed, first I apologized for my spiritual immaturity, but I have a testimony that I can pray to Heavenly Father about anything, whether it be something silly or something of more value, He always wants to hear what I worry about. So I prayed, I fasted, and I listened to the words which president Monson spoke at the following general conference. Though I missed seeing the sweet and tender face of President Hinkley, I was so grateful to see President Monson stand at the pulpit and speak to the world. I saw him, and I listened, and I suddenly knew without a doubt, that he was our new prophet. I knew, without a doubt, that Thomas S Monson was the one the Lord had chosen to be his mouthpiece here on the earth. His words spoke of hope, of love, and of kindness towards others. How could I have ever thought that President Monson wouldn't love us as much? His life was full of service and love for the world, I knew he loved me, thought he didn't ever know me personally, I felt his love and his prayers for me and the world.

Thomas S. Monson, I will miss his smile.

I will miss seeing President Monson's face, I will greatly miss his soft, gentle voice as he tells his stories that are relatable and unforgettable.

I know that Russell M. Nelson is now the prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I know that he is guided by the Lord and I know that he loves us.

Russell M. Nelson

My life (an oldy I never published, circa 2014)

I'm a busy woman, my life is crazy and at most times, hectic.  But I love my life, it's the life I chose.  Each day is different, the routines are usually the same i.e. wake up with the kids, eat breakfast, play, do some school work, lunch, play, go to karate, eat dinner, bedtime and repeat.  But each day is new and different; and it's filled with new memories, new laughs, new tears, and new hugs and kisses.

Today has been one of those days that was a bit trying, and at times I was tempted to shed a tear or two, especially when my husband called to tell me he was going out of town tonight.  I was looking forward to him coming home, and snuggling with us all.  Sweet T was asking for him and now he will be gone for the night.  But we usually have a sleepover downstairs on the nights when daddy is gone, so it's still something fun to look forward to.

The Trouble With Porn

Sometimes my life speaks to me in themes.  For instance, one week I'll get these thoughts about improving my prayers and I'll see a ton of post on Facebook or memes on Instagram that really speak to the part of my soul that is looking to improve.  It's happened with so many different ideas: scripture reading, compassion, self confidence, patience, service, etc.

Well this week the thing that keeps slapping me in the face is pornography. Nope, don't worry, I'm not struggling with pornography, but lately there have been many signs pointing me to discuss pornography and it's harms with my children.  My husband and I have had discussions with our children before and our kids are pretty open with their questions and honest with images they see and can easily call out pornography in lines at the store or with commercials on TV.  We also do not shame our children for asking questions or feeling curious about things.  We want them to know we love them no matter what and that we are here to help them stay strong.

It all started Sunday after church, Michael was on his way to California so the kids and I watched some uplifting church videos from the LDS church's YouTube Channel. One video called What should I do when I see porn? is catered to children, we've seen it before but this time more information stood out to me like how porn can distort someone's view of what love is and for a child to be exposed to porn at a young age, it will make it harder for them to know what a healthy loving relationship is.  So it's very crucial and important to teach them that any images they see (it's no longer a matter of if they see it, it's a matter of when because our children WILL see some form of pornography in their childhood) is bad and not what real love is.  A lot of the information in the video is from this book which we own Good pictures Bad pictures.

Since Sunday, so many different things have popped up in my newsfeed on Facebook regarding pornography and it's harmfulness.  Yes, I follow a lot of anti-porn pages so naturally my newsfeed would include some of those posts but, either I've not noticed them lately or this week has been heavy posting for these sites.  Here are the ones that have popped up this week:

Penthouse Attacks LDS church in latest issue
Porn Hates Families  (THIS ONE HAS SO MANY GREAT FACTS)
Hey, Cosmopolitan! Stop telling Snapchatters That Watching Porn isn't cheating (which is why I left snapchat)
Ozzy Osbourne in therapy for sex addiction
And this blog post I wrote three years ago popped up on my Facebook memories (I share a situation in which I found a pornographic book within a child's arm reach at Barnes and Noble and how I took it to their corporate office)

I even shared a status update on my reason for leaving Snapchat, and it started a small conversation (another trigger for me feeling the need to talk to my children about porn)

My point of this blog post is to say pornography is harmful, it's addictive, and it ruins families.  I've yet to know of anyone who has praise for pornography strengthening their marriage.  In fact, I've seen the opposite,  I've known of women who watched pornography with their husbands to "spice up their marriages", and none are still married now.  But hey, even if there was that one couple that swore pornography saved their marriage, I'd still rather not take that road.

One thing I've learned this week, is that having the talk about pornography with my children isn't a one time thing, it's a constant need to remind them of the difference between good pictures and bad pictures and how they make us feel, and that they can always come to us, their parents who love them and who care for their well being more than anyone else in this world.

All things new

So here is my new blog design, I love it.  Tiffany Kuehl helped me with it and she did a wonderful job.  Anyone who knows me, knows how indecisive I can be.  Take me out to dinner and I have trouble deciding on what to choose, I'm even known to change my order just before the waiter/waitress leaves the table (that's better than once they walk away, right?)  She did such a great job with my ideas that I had a hard deciding what I liked best, finally I told her to surprise me.  I love it.  She was also very kind and patient with my indecisiveness.

I also received a new calling this past Sunday.  I'm Second Counselor in the Primary program at church.  Primary is the program for children between the ages of 3-11.  I'm so very excited because I get to be with my children.  Even though we homeschool and I am with them all the time, I can't seem to get enough of them, they might feel differently though.  Sunday was my first day in my new calling and I was already put to work by conducting, it was fun.  Now that we are in July, I am responsible for Sharing Time, so I get to come up with a lesson for the kids each Sunday this month.

Aside from sewing, I've developed a new hobby, genealogy.  This past week, I found eight new family members from my mother's side of the family.  I already had my great grandmother's information but I found her parents and siblings information, and marriage information for one of her brother's.  I cannot find my grandfather's birth parents or if he had any siblings.  I hope to find more about him soon.

This new endeavor in genealogy has me a bit emotional, especially not being able to find out more about my grandfather's family.  I remember him, he was a big teddy bear and I remember a doll he gave me as a little girl before he passed away.  Her body was crocheted in pink and white yarn, in one  of her hands was a bottle attached that fit perfectly in her mouth.  There was also a blanket crochet to the back of her so that the blanket wouldn't fall off, it wrapped around her to keep her warm.

It would be nice to find out who his parents were or if he had any siblings.  All my mother's family has already passed away, so there is no one to ask.  I wish I would've asked more questions when everyone was still around.  But now I can find puzzle pieces along the way and put them together to create a bigger picture of my genealogy.

My patriarchal blessing mentions that there will come a time in my life when I will be engulfed in genealogy, it seems like that time has arrived.

UPDATE: So I talked to my father and I remember hearing the name Dotty as a child, Dotty (Dorothy) was my grandfather's sister.  During the great depression, it was common to send boys to live in an orphanage because families were having a hard time.  My grandfather was one of those boys.  His parents kept his sister.  My father said that my grandfather would often speak of the nuns who took care of him.  One more step closer.

I will give away all my sins to know thee

With four littles in the home, family scripture study can be difficult.  My husband and I read three to five verses of scripture each night with the children and then say a family prayer before tucking the littles into bed.  It's going to take us a while to get through the Book of Mormon, but we are making progress and instilling the habit of daily scripture study.  We are currently in the book of Alma.

The other night, while my husband was reading aloud to us, a scripture jumped out at me and was embedded into my thoughts: "And I will give away all my sins to know thee."  It was Alma chapter 22 verse 18.  This is when Aaron teaches King Lamoni's father (Ammon had taught King Lamoni) about the reality of God and the atonement and being redeemed of one's sins, Lamoni's father is converted and is willing to, as he says: "I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy." Alma 22:15  (emphasis added)

I immediately thought of all the things in my life that distract me from the Savior, the small vices that won't necessarily keep me out of the temple, but don't help bring me closer to the Savior.

I know the Savior, I have felt His love and have felt His comfort blanket me during times of trials.  But I have also had moments where He felt distant, not from His doing but from mine.

I have vices, we all do.  I tend to think of sins as those huge heinous ones that are serious and will keep me out of the temple, but there are also the small ones that usually get overlooked, or maybe even rationalized.  For me it's usually music, movies, or television shows, and even how I spend my time; things that aren't always obvious but at times contain content that goes against my beliefs.    

I also thought of the young fellow in Mark Chapter 10, the one who ran to the Savior and knelt at His feet and asked what he could do to inherit eternal life, to which the Savior asked him if he had observed the commandments and the young man answered yes.  To this the Savior responds:

21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. 

 22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.  (emphasis added)

The Rich Young Ruler

I'm not using this example to say that having possessions are a sin (though they are when we choose them over the Savior).  But the contrast between King Lamoni's father who was willing to give away all that he possessed and all of his sins to know God, compared to the young rich man who was already obedient to the commandments but couldn't give up the things he loved because they were more important than knowing God, that difference is what I'm pointing to.

Are there things in our lives that are "not so bad" and don't necessarily keep us out of the temple, but get in the way of knowing our Savior?  Are these things, things that we would participate in if He were in the same room with us?  Would we still watch that movie, that show, listen to that song, drink that energy drink, partake in that conversation or use that language?  Would we ignore His presence, His advice, His love as we sat attached to our mobile devices? 

My vices have been troubling me lately, especially since reading Alma 22:18,  my vices aren't things that most would consider to be bad habits, in fact, most would probably chuckle and say, "Oh it's really not that big of a deal." but for me they are distractions from feeling my Savior's presence and from getting to know Him better.

We are all at different stages in life, especially in spirituality; that's the beautiful thing about this life.  The things I feel the Spirit guiding me, telling me I need to improve on might be things others have already mastered, or things that others don't have trouble with.

So though I'm already doing my best at avoiding the "big sins",  I'm resolving to give away ALL my sins so that I can really know Him.